How the Mogget Stole Christmas
by Mooset
Summary: My rendition of Dr. Seuss's How The Grinch Stole Christmas


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in Garth Nix's books Sabriel, Lirael and Abhorsen or anything by Dr. Seuss; I do however own the thought of making this story so there Suck on that Ricky Martin SUCK ON THAT!  
  
Note: Just to tell you I have made a few minor changes to the story and not all of it will rhyme

How The Mogget Stole ChristmasEvery person Down in Belisierre Liked Christmas A LOT  
  
But the Mogget Who lived just north of Belisierre Did Not  
  
The Mogget hated Christmas

The whole Christmas season

Now, Please don't ask why.

No one quite knows the reason.  
  
It could be that his collar was too tight

It could be that Ranna wasn't too light

But I think the most likely reason of all

May be that his brain is 10 sizes too small.

He is a cat after all  
  
But, Whatever it be his collar or the bell

He stood on Christmas Eve wishing the villagers into hell.

Staring down from his cave with a sour fishy frown

At the light up houses below in the town

For he knew every villager down in Belisierre beneath

Was busy now kissing under a mistletoe wreath (hey, it could happen)  
  
"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.

"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's almost here!" "Damn it" The Mogget growled

with his paws nervously twitching

"I have to stop this shitty Christmas from coming"  
  
For, Tomorrow he knew all the Belisierre's girls and boys (ones who weren't under the Mistletoe)

Would wake up bright and early.

They'd rush for their toys.

And then all that noise, even Astarael couldn't drown out all that noise noise noise noise

That was the one thing he hated the most was the damn noise noise noise noise  
  
Then the villagers, young and old would sit down to a feast.

And they'd feast, and then feast some more (ya get the picture? well fine they'll be really bloated and passing gas like old people)

They would eat pudding, and the rare Kerrigor roast beast

Which was something the Mogget couldn't stand in the least!  
  
And THEN They'd do something really idiotic He liked least of all!

Every villager the tall and the small (all vocally challenged)(like u Kali? And me of course)

Would stand as close together as physically possible after stuffing their faces

And with the Necromancer's bells ringing

They would stand hand in hand, and then the villagers would start singing!

Some going into death, some falling asleep, but they were still singing!

They'd sing and sing and sing

And the more the Mogget thought of this village's horrible singing,

The more he thought, "I must stop this whole thing from coming"

"Why, it's been 100 Abhorsens I've put up with this now!

I MUST stop Christmas from coming but how?"

Well, the Mogget accidentally rung Ranna on his collar and fell into a nap plagued by thoughts of Christmas until he Woke up 30 minutes later.

The Mogget got an idea, after remembering what he had been thinking about.

AN Awful Idea (worse than some of Sameth's ideas)

The Mogget got and wonderfully-awful-therapy-until-your-thirty-idea.

"I know just what to do!" the Mogget laughed in his kitty throat.

And he made a quick kitty sized Santa hat and dyed his fur coat

And he chuckled "What a really lame trick,

But it doesn't matter, the villagers' skulls are so thick"

"All I need is a sleigh and a reindeer" The Mogget looked around

And noticed nothing living to be found

"I'll just summon one then", The Mogget said

And before you know it there stood a dead hand

"You will pull the sled", The Mogget laughed

Then he took out some bags

And empty old sacks (once filled with kitty litter)

On a very old sleigh

He hitched up the hand

Then The Mogget said, "Go already"

And the sleigh started

Toward the homes of those damn villagers

Where they lay a-snooze (what the hell?) in houses  
  
All their windows were dark.

Quiet snow filled the air.

All the villagers were dreaming sweet dreams (probably about their honeys) without a care

When he came to the first hut on the square

"This is stop number one", the Mogget hissed

And he jumped to the roof, empty bags in his "fist"  
  
He slid down the chimney.

A not so tight pinch

But, if a fat old guy could do it, then so could a cat

He didn't get stuck for a moment or two,

Instead he fell and hit his head on the flue.

He stuck his head out to see the villagers nasty stockings all hung in a row.

"These gross stockings are gonna have to go"  
  
Then he crawled and slunk, with a smirk most unpleasant,

But that was probably from the stench of the dead hand

Around the whole room he took all the presents

Bells, Charter books, drums, Chessboards, popcorn and plums!

And he stuffed them in bags.

Then the Mogget, very nimbly (well duh he's a cat)

Stuffed all of the heavy bags up the chimney.  
  
Now he slunk to the "ice box" he took the villagers feast!

He took the pudding, and the Kerrigor roast-beast!

He cleaned out the icebox as quick as a cat

And then he did his taco dance around a hat  
  
He then stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee

"And now to stuff up that stupid ass tree"

And the Mogget grabbed the tree with his amazing free magic strength

And gave the tree a shove

But he suddenly heard the sound like a coo of a dove

He turned around fast turning into the albino man

And when he turned to look there was a villager!

Little Lirael who happened to be the Abhorsen-in-waiting and so

Mogget was forced back into the white cat form

He had been had by this so-called Clayr's Daughter

Who'd gotten up for a tiny glass of water

She stared at Mogget with a frown oh-so-bitter

And said "Why? Mogget? I know you're grumpy but why?"

Mogget thought up a quick lie

"I'm letting your family have Christmas at my house tomorrow and so I'm moving your things there"

The fake Santa clause lied

His fib fooled the girl and he patted her on the head

He got her a drink (not water) and sent her back into her bed

And when Lirael was in bed with her cup

He went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up.  
  
Then the last thing he took was the log for their fire (one log?)

Then he went up the chimney himself that poopy old liar.

On the walls he left nothing but wire

He thought he was being generous

And the one tiny speck of food he missed in the house

Was a crumb too small for even a mouse

Realizing he'd forgotten that he took that too

Leaving the house bare and filled with starved mouses

Then he did the same thing to the other 500 houses

Leaving behind him thousands of starving mouses.  
  
It was almost dawn, and his dead hand was getting weak

He had to get to the peak

For at the top of the Clayr's glacier he would dump this crap

Framing the Clayr so they can take the wrap  
  
But the damn sun rose a little too early

And the Mogget's hand went back into death

The Mogget tried to think with his very small brain

And then he thought he heard a train

Sabriel was running up to him looking ever so pissed

She swung her hand at the cat but if the cat wasn't so slow she would have missed.  
  
Sabriel took all of the presents back to the town

Leaving the Mogget with a very big frown

Sabriel had increased the size of the bell on his collar

Now it was as heavy as 1,000,000 gold dollars

The Mogget lay there, face cold in the snow

And what happened next no one quite knows.  
  
Sabriel had gotten hungry on her way back to the village and eaten the feast

So that night instead of Kerrigor they ate the-not-so-pleasant-Mogget- roast-beast.

Note: Well, that was my first ever rhyming fanfic thingy on a book! um, review just for the hell of it! I want you to answer these questions Changes? what could be better? From 1-10 1 being lowest 10 being highest what would you rate this as? Should I make an actual Sabriel, Lirael, Abhorsen fanfiction? If so any Ideas?  
  
Well, thanks, I have about 6 other Anime fanfics for finish first but that won't take too long, see? I'm gonna type those now so bye! REVIEW! 


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